#humorous

Tell them I have the headache--no, the plague! I need something nice and contagious. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#humorous-quotations #mystery #humor

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

We're all secretly idiots inside. ↗

— -Sadiya

#humor

She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something? ↗

— Julie James

#humorous #humor

A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you're the star. And you don't miss anything by falling asleep! ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#relaxation #humor

If the ties that bind ever do come loose If forever ever ends for you If that ring gets a little too tight You might as well read me my last rights. ↗

— The Band Perry

#music-lyrics #relationships #music

Well,' said Mrs. Erdleigh, speaking kindly, as if to a child who has proposed a game inevitably associated with the breakage of china, 'I know trouble will come of it if we do. ↗

— Anthony Powell

#music

All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. It's rather unfortunate that, in recent years, real estate agents have become comedy betes-noires. Rather like lawyers or used car salesmen. Every time they mention their job they probably get people amusingly making the sign of the cross at them or are subjected to some good-natured, humorous ribbing. This has the effect of distorting what I'm trying to say here, which isn't in the nature of a smiling roll of the eyes and a "Tsk, real estate agents, eh?" but rather "All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. ↗

— Mil Millington

#humorous-quotes #real-estate-agents #nature

From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#nature

Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing. ↗

— Pat Connid

#humor #humorous #humour #nature #nature