#humour

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a house or something. ↗

— Catherine Gilbert Murdock

#funny #humor #humour #size #dating

No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#humour #romance #young-adult #young-adult-romance #dating

Red sky at night, the city's alight. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#equality

Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends - whether he may be equally capable of retaining them is less certain. ↗

— Jane Austen

#humour #wickham #equality

the city is full of three types of people, the first being soldiers, the other classes are politicians and prostitutes, both very numerous, and about equal in honesty and morality. ↗

— Mark Jones

#humour-quote #equality

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humour #jeeves #jeeves-and-wooster #wodehouse #wooster

I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #sex #virginity #experience

Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about. ↗

— John Mortimer

#humour #experience

Why save the rainforest, the whales, or the world when you can devote your time to saving syllables? ↗

— Lindsay Faith Rech

#faith

Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. “Don’t worry,” she said. “If the bad man comes, I’ll protect you.” “If the bad man comes,” Fletcher responded, “I’ll bravely give out a high-pitched scream to distract him. I may even bravely faint, to give him a false sense of security. That will be your signal to strike.” “We make a great team.” “Just don’t forget to stand in front of me the whole time,” he said. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #protection #death