#humourous

The mighty hunter,” I quipped as we snuck out the backdoor, escaping into the yard. “He can take down vicious rabids and rampaging boars, but one old lady can make him flee in terror.” “One scary old lady,” he corrected me, looking relieved to be out of the house. “You didn’t hear what she told me when I got up — you’re so cute I could put you in a pie. Tell me that’s not the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard.” His voice climbed a few octaves, turning shrill and breathy. “Today for dessert, we have apple pie, blueberry pie and Ezekiel pie. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#zeke-and-allie #terrorism

Optimism was for children. Once you reached adulthood then you had to join the rest of the world as a realist - life was a bag of shit you were expected to pay for. ↗

— N.C. Thomas

#pessimism #realism #life

They play like file clerks file. ↗

— Lauren Kessler

#life

You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#life

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers. ↗

— Habeeb Akande

#boys #clothes #clothing #cook #dress

While she lay there with these old worn thoughts coming obediently into her mind, called there by habit and the familiar quiet of early morning, she was aware that at the back of her mind there was another thought that was not at all stale, but so fresh that it was nearly a feeling, with all a feeling's delicious power to kill thought. ↗

— Stella Gibbons

#recognition #thought-provoking-humourous #thoughts #introspection

Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream? No. no, you don't. Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me. ↗

— Quentin Tarantino

#beauty

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humourous #protectiveness #life

We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him. "So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back. ↗

— James Patterson

#humourous #illness #run-for-there-life #life