#humourous

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?” “Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#college #colleges #funny #humor #humour

We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him. "So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back. ↗

— James Patterson

#humourous #illness #run-for-there-life #life

Mum repeated the old adage that money can't buy you everything...before adding that she prefers using credit cards instead. ↗

— Kirkland Ciccone

#money

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#hilarious #humour #humourous #truth #men

Lash had been explaining to her that it's impolite to refer to an African American as a nigga, unless one was another African American, when Troy Lee came in and said, "She only speaks Cantonese." "She does not. She keeps coming in and saying 'What's up my nigga?'" "Oh yeah. She does that to me, too. Did you give her a pound?" "No. I didn't give her a pound, motherfucker. She called me a nigga." "Well, she's not going to quit unless you give her a pound. It's just the way she rolls." "That's some bullshit, Troy." "It's her couch. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humourous-situations #funny

Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya. ↗

— Miranda Hart

#humourous-situations #beauty

The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes....of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

She nodded, grabbed her purse out of the drawer and skedaddled, walking like she was on a catwalk, one foot in front of the other, her ass swaying under the skirt of her expensive, tailored suit. Bitch. I thought again, watching her go. “No comparison,” Luke said after the door closed behind Dawn and I turned to him. “Excuse me?” “Dawn’s a man eater. You’re not. No comparison,” Luke answered and I didn’t know how to take that. “Is that good?” The half-smile came back. “Most men prefer to do the eating.” Holy fucking cow. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#humourous #romance #men

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers. ↗

— Habeeb Akande

#boys #clothes #clothing #cook #dress