#humourous

Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say ‘shit!’ in front of a lady. ↗

— D.H. Lawrence

#courage

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

Oh my god, two days ago I fell in love with the girl of my dreams. Tonight I find out she's insane ↗

— Jill Mansell

#dreams

Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…” "What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?” “Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#college #colleges #funny #humor #humour

Just when you’ve squared up to the solemn realisation that life is a bitch, it turns round and does something nice, just to confuse you. - Emily Spitzer, The Better Mousetrap ↗

— Tom Holt

#life

Mum repeated the old adage that money can't buy you everything...before adding that she prefers using credit cards instead. ↗

— Kirkland Ciccone

#money

Jimmy held on to the reins for dear life, and thought that a horse was about the most slippery creature to sit on that he had ever met. He slithered first one way and then another, and at last he slid off altogether and landed with a bump on the ground. Sticky Stanley and Lotta held on to one another and laughed till the tears ran down their faces. They thought it was the funniest sight in the world to see poor Jimmy slipping about on the solemn, cantering horse. ↗

— Enid Blyton

#horseback-riding #horses #humourous #laughing #reins

The gate is perfectly simple," Temeraire said. "There is only a bar across the fence, which one can lift very easily, and then it swings open; Nitidus could do it best, for his forehands are the smallest. Though it is difficult to keep the animals inside the pen, and the first time I learned how to open it, they all ran away," he added. "Maximus and I had to chase after them for hours and hours--it was not funny at all," he said, ruffled, sitting back on his haunches and contemplating Laurence with great indignation. ↗

— Naomi Novik

#humourous-situations #funny

Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life. ↗

— Mary Quant

#humourous #death

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. ↗

— Stephen King

#funny #humourous #funny