#midget

Jem grinned. “Where have you been? The Blue Dragon? The Mermaid?” “The Devil Tavern if you must know.” Will sighed and leaned against one of the posts of the bed. “I had such plans for the evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower-selling child who asked me for two-pence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me.” “A little girl robbed you?” Tessa said. “Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.” “Easy mistake to make,” Jem said. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jem-carstairs #midgets #robbery #will-herondale #goals

Germany is an economic giant but a political midget, and with the end of the Cold War she has started to muscle her presence throughout Europe and the world. ↗

— Christo

#cold war #economic #end #europe #germany

I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #erection #grave #life #midget

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attacked #children #funny #humor #kids

I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buckled myself in on his back, and had him give me a ride home. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bar #drink #ex-wife #flamingoes #frigid

What can I do, I asked myself, that is so spectacular that no one will be able to say he had seen it before? The answer was perfectly obvious. I would send a midget up to bat. ↗

— Bill Veeck

#answer #asked #bat #before #had

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#backpack #being #bring #day #down

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gold #head #hit #into #midget