#random

The progression of roles you take strings together a portrait of an actor, but it's a completely random process. ↗

— Meryl Streep

#completely #portrait #process #progression #random

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago." "Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear? ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#funny-and-random #funny

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Did you ever wish you had a book that would explain the full meaning of life's random happenings to you? ↗

— Mariko Tamaki

#life #random #humor

And I figured you'd drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

The sky was as blue as orange could get. I love sunsets at noon, and forks disguised as spoons. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #sunsets #love

A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as a sack of flour. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#books #boring #brick-and-blanket #funny #humor

Scoop out my soul with a spoon like it’s a cantaloupe, and I’ll tell you that love is breakfast. And I’d love to make breakfast to Agatha one more time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #random #love

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. ↗

— Frank Zappa

#enforced #laws #nation #randomly #states