#random

I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some people (aeronautical engineers) might say that’s because bricks aren’t aerodynamic. Yeah, right. I’d like to see someone make that claim as they watch a brick flying towards their face at a high velocity. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

I design, manufacture, distribute, and sell elevator buttons. I specialize in the fourth floor. And I don’t mean to brag, but I’m such a good salesman that I could sell one of my fourth-floor elevator buttons to the owner of a three-story building. I’m also into jazz. I make elevator music in my free time. My motto in life: You can’t push my buttons if you don’t buy them. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #sales #design

A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a permanent wall of a house. In both cases, the skydiver and home dweller would ideally be a politician.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A woman cannot ever be sure of not being married till she is buried, Mrs. Doctor, dear, and meanwhile I will make a batch of cherry pies. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#random #woman #dreams

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#better #designed #education #facts #feel

Kindness, motherfucker, kindness. ↗

— Don Roff

#funny #inspirational #kindness #lol #motherfucker

The following Wednesday, I opted to go with Random House. ↗

— Laura Hillenbrand

#go #house #i #opted #random

I've never been convinced that experience is linear, circular, or even random. It just is. I try to put it in some kind of order to extract meaning from it, to bring meaning to it. ↗

— Toni Cade Bambara

#bring #circular #convinced #even #experience

Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks. Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#epiphany #existentialism #funny-and-random #legs #experience