#random

No one would choose to be jerked randomly off task again and again until you have half a dozen things you're trying to get done, all at the same time. ↗

— Marilyn vos Savant

#choose #done #dozen #get #half

Now the whole point about machines is they are designed not to be random. When you call up a word processing program on your computer, you don't want it to be different every time you call it up. You want it to stay the same. ↗

— Rupert Sheldrake

#be different #call #computer #designed #different

I like to do chill things on dates. I think it would be fun to go to the zoo. I know it's really weird and random, but I love animals. It'd be like a day of doing silly things, while enjoying nature. ↗

— Ashlee Simpson

#dates #day #doing #enjoying #fun

Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#awesome #bizarre #cancer #funny #humor

A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single. Actually, to stay single, I need the full cooperation of the entire female population, which is kind of impressive, because in conclusively and inclusively agreeing not to date me, it's like the first time in human history a collective has ever fully agreed on something. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Now you got us whammied with the curse of squirmy death. ↗

— Richard Laymon

#humor #random #death

We all must die, but only I put the “must” in mustard. Sadly, the only man alive who understands what I mean is dead. RIP Mitch Ketchup. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#death #funny #random #death

A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or any crowded location, place the brick on your head, and stand perfectly still until they open up lines of communication. If you talk to Egbok Wangor, tell him I want the twenty bucks he owes me—and I’ll even give you a twenty percent collector’s fee.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired? ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#dogs #funny-and-random #question #dreams

The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone. ↗

— Hilary McKay

#funny-and-random #house #family