Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#answer #anyway #asks #formality #get

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#child #christmas #morning #nothing #sadder

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#child #drop #expected #hat #how

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#during #give #had #haven #hour

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#cares #catch #door #else #fire

Never have more children than you have car windows. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#car #children #more #never #than

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#confuse #fame #helen #keller #madonna

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#laugh #make #you

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#become #compassion #judgment #mother #slowly

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#defends #electric #friend #gets #her