Jon Stewart

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#like #news #program #then #watch

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#destruction #evidence #gun #invading #iraq

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#i #i can #movies #never

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' ↗

— Jon Stewart

#dennis #dude #heard #him #i

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#career #everything #i #i tried #look

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#city #emigration #great #i #i was born

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#academy awards #asked #awards #because #charm

If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#give #going #got #minutes #news

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#death #death penalty #done #frankly #got

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#chance #even #get #giving #had