Tim Vine

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. ↗

— Tim Vine

#complimented #driving #fine #know #left

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. ↗

— Tim Vine

#before #fact #fox #go #hunt

As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing. ↗

— Tim Vine

#access #childlike #comic #get #important

Black beauty - he's a dark horse. ↗

— Tim Vine

#black #dark #horse

Velcro: what a rip-off. ↗

— Tim Vine

#velcro

For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life. ↗

— Tim Vine

#i #life #one thing #pun #real

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus. ↗

— Tim Vine

#bonus #i #i love #just #love

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor. ↗

— Tim Vine

#i #know #metaphor #out #went

I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues. ↗

— Tim Vine

#getting #i #kind #like #means

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac. ↗

— Tim Vine

#compulsively #pun #you