Tim Vine

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative. ↗

— Tim Vine

#into #narrative #one-liners #otherwise #overall

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped. ↗

— Tim Vine

#psychiatrist #put

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it. ↗

— Tim Vine

#both #dad #enjoying #his #i

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff. ↗

— Tim Vine

#am #because #busy #driven #garden

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' ↗

— Tim Vine

#firm #house #i #local #outside

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'" ↗

— Tim Vine

#car #getting #give #give me #go

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red. ↗

— Tim Vine

#chinese #duck #i #me #red

With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke. ↗

— Tim Vine

#always #because #condense #confidence #getting

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is. ↗

— Tim Vine

#anyone #comedy #covers #different #different styles