#funny

I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#courage #cowardly #flashlights #funny #humor

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #game #humor #life #love

In this world only the paranoid survive. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#funny #paranoid #wise #world #funny

The problem with having evil minions is that minions are stupid. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor #funny

Something about this made Reynie uneasy. Had he done so badly? Was this meant to test his courage? He did as he was told, closing his eyes and bracing himself as best he could. "Why are you flinching?" the pencil woman asked. "I don't know. I thought maybe you were going to slap me." "Don't be ridiculous. I could slap you perfectly well with your eyes open. I'm only going to blindfold you. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #courage

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do," I muttered. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#fight #funny #humor #courage

Another thing I take issue with are people who take their dogs on "play dates," or even worse, people who choose to dress their dogs up in outfits better suited for homosexuals participating in a gay pride parade. Dog costumes are right up there with something else I find particularly offensive: sweater vests. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#dogs #funny #humor #dating

If I were a lawyer, I’d only date women named Sue. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #lawyer #dating

If a girl doesn't feel like crying for help when she's with her date, she isn't prepared to be in a relationship. The only difference is that on a date someone might come to her rescue. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #relationships #dating

I'm a straightforward guy. I give straight answers to unsolved mysteries, I wait to date hermaphrodites until after they get a sex change, and I never eat funnel cakes before untwisting them. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sincerity #change