#funny

Why didn't you say something sooner! I said He wasn't the only one disgusted. This is my first time on a horse. Really? Blaec said dryly, I couldn't tell. Oh just pretend its my son you're riding. ↗

— Sunny

#funny

My dear fellow " Said Albert, turning to Franz " here is an admirable adventure; we will fill our carriage with pistols, blunderbusses, and double-barreled shotguns. Luigi Vampa comes to take us, and we take him - we bring him back to Rome , and present him to him holiness the Pope, who asks how he can repay so great a service; Then we merely ask for a cariage and a pair of horses, and we will see the Carnival in the carriage , and doubtless the Roman people will crown us at the capitol , and proclaim us, like Curtius and the veiled Horatius, the preservers of there country." Whilst Albert proposed this scheme, signor Pastrini's face assumed an expression impossible to describe. ↗

— Alexandre Dumas

#funny #humor #idea #funny

Two days after my dad's funeral, my mom went on a mission. I never understood it until then--that sometimes a spy doesn't need a cover so much as she needs a shield. ↗

— Ally Carter

#broken-heart #hurt #love #romance-funny #funny

If you’re a struggling artist having money problems just superglue a brick in the middle of a blanket, and call it art. Someone will buy it. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

What's purple mean?" Adrian put his hand on the door. "Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#grandma #life #optimist #perspective #pessimist

Awesomesauce! ↗

— Becca Ann

#funny

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion. ↗

— Bauvard

#compassion #emotion #funny #humor #funny

Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey. ↗

— Charlotte Perkins Gilman

#funny #hats #humor #humour #women

When you are stripped of your primogeniture, the only way to prove your birthright is to take off your pants. ↗