#funny

What's purple mean?" Adrian put his hand on the door. "Gotta go, Sage. Dont want to keep Dorothy waiting ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#grandma #life #optimist #perspective #pessimist

Awesomesauce! ↗

— Becca Ann

#funny

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion. ↗

— Bauvard

#compassion #emotion #funny #humor #funny

Never in all her life had she imagined that this idolized millinery could look, to those who paid for it, like the decorations of an insane monkey. ↗

— Charlotte Perkins Gilman

#funny #hats #humor #humour #women

When you are stripped of your primogeniture, the only way to prove your birthright is to take off your pants. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nudity #primogeniture #funny

Asthma attack: a technique to coach women through their contractions, induced by fear of the result. ↗

— Bauvard

#birth #funny #humor #funny

Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct. ↗

— Bauvard

#extinction #funny #humor #funny

Do not cry for me, Azrael. Do not waste your tears. You made your decision. And this is mine. Sacrifice seems to be my destiny. A funny thing for a selfish man, isn't it? They always called me weak back then... ↗

— Melissa de la Cruz

#kingsley #love #mimi #sacrifice #funny

The sexy don't get wrinkles, they add love lines like a tree adds rings. So climb on them for the view. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #sexiness #tree-rings