#funny

It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny

Always drink upstream from the herd. ↗

— Will Rogers

#funny #funny

She's fifteen!" Nash shrugged. "That's just a number. It doesn't say anything about her." "It says something pretty damn funny about your IQ!" I said, and he opened his mouth to retort, but I spoke over him. "Fifteen is too young to drive, too young to get a legal job, too young to sign a lease, and obviously too young to pick a boyfriend with half a brain. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#nash #tod #funny

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#friends #funny #random #vic #funny

If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hospital #humor #sick #funny

Foul!" yelled Jamie, who seemed extremely happy not to be the one facing a blade. "Distracting technique! Put your shirt back on right now. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#funny

I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#guity #innocent #opportunity #funny

When in doubt, poke the beehive with a stick to see if anything interesting flies out. I clapped my hands. 'I had no idea Pit teams had such pretty cheerleaders. Can you do it again, but with more spirit this time? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #joke #kate #funny

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead ↗

— Jeff Foxworthy

#funny

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#its-kind-of-a-funny-story #ned-vizinni #funny