#funny

It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy ↗

— Simon Holt

#simon-holt #soulstice #equality

The last dictator will finally prove the phrase, 'love conquers all.' Our savior is an erotocrat with an expansionist policy. When we are equalized through hierarchy, we will languish in joy. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #love #salvation #truisms #war

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half, whichever makes me appear the most generous.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #sharing

I was just about to open the door, when it opened up right in front of me. And there stood my parents. Is there a word for that moment when two parties are so equally shocked to see each other given the circumstances that all they can do is stare at each other, openmouthed? ↗

— August Westman

#caught-in-the-act #funny #shock #equality

Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing. ↗

— Nathan Hassall

#funny #nascent-illusion #sad #scary #strange

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. ↗

— John Callahan

#humor #sex #simile #funny

Isn’t it funny to think that this magnificent piece of matter is in a state of decay? Really, can you think of any other living thing that looks this glorious as it’s dying? ↗

— Tiffanie DeBartolo

#funny

You cannot control faeries. Can. Not. They aren't logical or rational. They don't obey the same laws (physical, social, emotional, traffic - you name it) that we do. ↗

— Kiersten White

#laws #funny

What?" I said, suspicion starting to rise in me. "When did they start coming after you?" "Was it— was it after the oil-slick Hummer crash?" the Gasman asked Iggy tentatively. My eyes widened. Oil-slick Hummer crash? Iggy rubbed his chin, thinking. "Or maybe it was more— after the bomb," the Gasman said in a low voice, looking down. "I think it was the bomb," Iggy agreed. "That definitely seemed to tick them off. ↗

— James Patterson

#gazzy #humor #iggy #maximum-ride #the-gasman