#funny

Got plans for the rest of the day?" I looked back at him and my heart just stopped. Then it just started again thudding erratically. What the hell does that mean? I feel like I'm having a heart attack. "No plans," I whispered. Test drive your mattress? Let me pretend to be a Skittle and you can taste my rainbow? Fifty Shades me? Please! Oh, holy horror, I'm freaking losing it. ↗

— Christine Zolendz

#grace #shane-maxton #funny

He'd given her the mother of all hangovers - a run-in with the wrath of grapes. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #kresley-cole #funny

Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.' 'Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something? ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #nucking-futs-nix #funny

Lou, honey, I'll buy you a new pair of shoes if you'll stop flashing your panties at everyone sitting across the room from us. You are wearing panties, right?" I glance up and across at Stefan. His words register a moment later and my head swivels toward the other side of the room. There are a number of people staring at me. One of them is Detective Terry Shay. Or I think it is. He's not looking directly at me. He's looking up my skirt ↗

— Ronda Thompson

#funny

I've knitted myself a hat, it's plum red with an appealing lace pattern, I figured that a few air holes would be nice now that it's spring. I put it on and feel like a cranberry in the snow, and I wonder if they can see me from the moon. Me and the Great Wall. ↗

— Kjersti A. Skomsvold

#funny #funny

torka tasmim migiran farsi harf bezanan!!sob yekishoon mire ooniekio bidar kone mige pasho!!oonieki mige nemipasham!mige ahmagh nabayad begi nemipasham ke,bayad begi pashide nemisham ↗

— sanaz

#funny

Oh, so there were angels and demons, but no vampires? No mysterious, super hot bloodsuckers who would love you forever? Now that was totally unfair. ↗

— Alycia Linwood

#vampires #funny

Amy Curry," I could still hear him intoning, "never end a sentence with a preposition!" Irked that after six years he was still mentally correcting me, I told the Mr. Collins in my head to off fuck. ↗

— Morgan Matson

#funny #humor #funny

It was like watching an angsty hormone-fueled train wreck and firmly cemented my resolve to be at least twenty-five before I considered getting hitched. ↗

— Stacey Jay

#funny #funny

You ignorant whelp. You dare to warn me away from her? I created her. Without my influence, Charlotte would be a bovine in the country with a half-dozen children at her skirts...or spreading her legs for every man who dropped a coin between her breasts. I've spent a fortune to make her into something far better than she was ever meant to be." "Why don't you send me a bill?" "It would beggar you," Radnor assured him with raw contempt. "Send it anyway," Nick invited gently. "I'll be interested to learn the cost of creating someone. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#sad-but-funny #funny