#funny

One fall day in Boston, a tall mechanical engineering student named Joe entered the student union at Harvard University. He was all ambition and acne ↗

— Dan Ariely

#funny

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the brick upside down. Keep flipping the brick over until the desired outcome is reached, and then you’ll know for certain the test is valid.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#high-school #humor #funny

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #search #experience

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? ↗

— George Carlin

#funny-but-true #humor #death

Love is part of survival. It’s funny how similar the survival instinct is to the death instinct when her dad comes home and the window is the only way out. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#love #survival #death

What do you take me for? That fool Socrates, who upheld the law at the cost of his own death – just to be ironic? I suspect that act was actually the result of his secret embarrassment of his hideous nose. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#irony #law #noses #socrates #death

A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.
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— Jarod Kintz

#drown #drowning #economy #funny #humor

I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.
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— Jarod Kintz

#coffin #death #funny #gift #humor

For your birthday I got you some batteries. They’re dead, just like you’ll soon be.
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— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #dead #death #funny #gift