#funny

I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#funny-quotes #gatsby #love #sarcasm #tom

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny. ↗

— Jimmy Kimmel

#funny #i #need #really

We sat down and told stories that happened to us in our childhood, to our children. They were all basically based on the truth. These stories were funny and poignant to us. They just took off. These are all stories from my life. ↗

— Howie Mandel

#basically #childhood #children #down #funny

My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head. ↗

— Karen Duffy

#even #everybody #friend #funny #had

We have never been strictly political, only strictly funny. ↗

— Adrian Edmondson

#funny #never #only #political #strictly

I want to be a matador in the bull market, but not so I can make a killing. Rather, I just want to wear flamboyant and form-fitting pants that emphasize my genitalia as I stroll down Wall Street. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#jarod-kintz #matador #provocative #strange #funny

Will sat where he was, gazing at the silver bowl in front of him; a white rose was floating in it, and he seemed prepared to stare at it until it went under. In the Kitchen Bridget was still singing one of her awful sad songs; the lyrics drifted in through the door: "Twas on an evening fair I went to take the air, I heard a maid making her moan; Said, 'Saw ye my father? Or ye my mother? Or saw ye my brother John? Or saw ye the lad that I love best, And his name it is Sweet William?" I may murder her, Tessa thought. Let her make a song about that. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

I always felt that Jim Morrison was a terrible name for the front man of The Doors. No, for a band called The Doors, a name like Rusty Hinge would have been more appropriate. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#jim-morrison #music #rusty-hinge #the-doors #funny

Promise me, Amelie, that you’ll crucify me with silver before you allow me to fall in love.” “I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. "I doubt you have the capacity. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #penis #sex #slut