#funny

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better." "Define BETTER with that guy." "Not all fangs and raaaaar. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

She wished there was some place where she could go to hum it out loud. Some kind of music was too private to sing in a house cram fall of people. It was funny, too, how lonesome a person could be in a crowded house. ↗

— Carson McCullers

#funny

He stood and looked at me for a moment, taking in my outfit. "You look hot." "What? Me?" I stammered, completely flummoxed. "Yeah," he said, still looking at me. "Oh. Um, thank you. I mean, not that you don’t, but I’m not sure that you should—I mean …" "Oh, no," Roger said quickly, and I could see that he was blushing again. "No. I mean—I meant what you’re wearing. Are you going to be too warm? ↗

— Morgan Matson

#amy-roger-s-epic-detour #funny #roger #funny

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. ↗

— Larry David

#funny #inadequate #kid #know #you

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. ↗

— Phyllis Diller

#best #best way #eat #get #kitchen

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? ↗

— Phyllis Diller

#chance #housework #kill #take #take a chance

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. ↗

— Phyllis Diller

#accidentally #day #enjoyed #ever #gin

If you have an impulse, not if you're going to ruin someone elses' scene, if you have an impulse of a funny little add-on or taking something in a weird direction, try it. ↗

— Rachel Dratch

#funny #going #impulse #little #ruin

My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head. ↗

— Karen Duffy

#even #everybody #friend #funny #had

I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. ↗

— Nora Dunn

#being funny #enjoy #funny #i #never