#hilarious

He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, "Let go of Frosty's leash. You're choking the life out of him." Kat's eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a sure sign of her aggression. "He deserves to choke. He didn't keep little frosty in his pants this summer." the words snapped like a whip. "He did." Cole snapped back with unwavering confidence. "Not." "Did." "Not!" "Did," "Not, not, not!" she shouted with a stomp of her foot. "What are we five?" Cole said. "Six. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#cole #hilarious #kat #life

Happy is one of the many things I'm likely to be over the course of a day and certainly over the course of a lifetime. But I think if you have the expectation that you're going to be happy throughout your life--more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time--well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic. ↗

— Carrie Fisher

#life

As if she had summoned them, a flurry of stones flew out of the darkness, striking his mail, pinging off his helm. One hit his unprotected leg and he yelped and clutched it. That was a mistake. The second barrage was entirely directed at his legs. ↗

— Hilari Bell

#stones #hilarious

I don't lack for bed partners, so I don't need to scrounge for unwilling scraps.-Spade ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#hilarious #night-huntress #spade #classics

The alien in my uncle hand obviously taken full control. Soon, it would claw its way out of his stomach and tap dance across my bed ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#hilarious #hilarious

So..." Heather nodded slowly. "We're still here." "Yep. I think your team of SWAT guys got lost. Probably looking for their shirts." She made a face at him. "You're effing hilarious." "I try. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#chelsea-fine #gabriel #heather #hilarious

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing. ↗

— Jo Brand

#although #comic #comic relief #did #doing

I like L.A. It's like a mini break. For a writer, it's hilarious. Like the food. Where I come from, we eat chip sandwiches: white bread, butter, tomato catsup and big fat french fries. It's delicious. Here, you order a creme caramel and the waiter says, 'You know, that contains dairy.' ↗

— Helen Fielding

#bread #break #butter #chip #come

I happen to think singing is hilarious, especially when it pops out at the wrong time. ↗

— Ed Helms

#happen #hilarious #i #out #pops

Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#hilarious #escape