#hum

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#books #dogs #friends #humor #humor

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ↗

— George Carlin

#humour #paradox #humor

I g-g-guess...I'm dead?" she heard her own voice call out, strangely high-pitched and thin. For a long time, she heard nothing else. And then: "Hi, Dead. I'm Dan. ↗

— Peter Lerangis

#cahill #dan #death #humor #the

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. ↗

— Woody Allen

#life #sex #humor

I find out a lot about myself by sleeping. Dreams, they are who I am when I’m too tired to be me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #sleeping

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ↗

— W.C. Fields

#sinister #equality

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #impatience #patient #wisdom #wise

What's up?" I asked. You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian." It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy." What the hell kind of therapy are you in? ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #experience

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them. ↗

— Johnny Depp

#love #family

I love you like a fat kid loves cake! ↗

— Scott Adams

#humor #love #food