#humor

The only way to speak is diplomatically, and British is the imperial English tongue. I have expelled all claims to American independence from my pronunciation, and I have never felt more liberated. ↗

— Bauvard

#british #diplomacy #english #freedom #funny

Some people say they're afraid about dying. Noooo ... it's the fear of living totally in the moment, living fully engaged, and independent at the same time. That's the real fear. ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #suburban #urban #funny

Why think about tomorrow today, when you don’t even know if there will be a tomorrow, or if there is, if you’ll be there tomorrow? ↗

— Art Hochberg

#inspirational #art

Dr Adams was following my orders if you want to blame someone blame me -casius oh i do,I'm just so pissed i had extra left over - Jace ↗

— D.D. Barant

#humor #scarcasm #anger

How many types of curtains can there be? When I asked the salesman this, he banged on the organ and bellowed with laughter. But I saw those feet fidgeting. He just didn't know. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #random #funny

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. ↗

— Horace Walpole

#console #given #him #humor #imagination

Cynicism is humor in ill health. ↗

— H. G. Wells

#health #humor #ill

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never leaving. I also eat all the food in your fridge, and never leave when you ask me to. Why would I leave? Good food, good friends, and good food. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

The letters of my name are scrambled like eggs. They should be sunny side up, like Dark Jar Tin Zoo.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dark-jar-tin-zoo #eggs #food #funny #humor