#humor

You want him praising the Lord in the morning, you put a smile on his face tonight. ↗

— Mark Gungor

#relationships #humor

The past is every second of your life up until now. Up until NOW. See how quickly the present is gobbled up by the past? The present is... Sorry, it's already gone. Hmm, it was just there a minute ago. ↗

— Evan Kuhlman

#humor #humor

When I was a kid we played cowboys and Indians, and I always wanted to be an Indian when I grew up. ↗

— Ville Valo

#cowboys-and-indians #games #grow #humor #pursue

Zombies are so passe ↗

— Jonathan L. Howard

#humor

How about the wrong crowd," I said. "You getting in with them?" "Not much luck," Paul said. "I'm trying like hell, but the wrong crowd doesn't seem to want me." "Don't quit," I said. "You want something, you go after it. I was nearly thirty-five before I could get in with wrong crowd. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #spenser #humor

I hate to tell you, dragon, but that's an integral part of the whole usiness," he whispered. "If you're afraid to touch me then we're not going to get very far." She lifted her head to look at him. "I thought I could lie back and let you ravish me," she said with complete honesty. He shook his head, the smile hovering around his lips, his eyes intent. "This is a cooperative effort, my love. You have to do your part. ↗

— Anne Stuart

#love #romance #humor

Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing. ↗

— Finley Peter Dunne

#library #libry #humor

Grampie's boat was a little double-ender, a model not built nowadays. She was narrow, so that she pitched and rolled something wicked in almost any sea. He could handle her, but he said she was probably the boat Christ got out of and walked away from on the water. ↗

— Ruth Moore

#imagery #humor

Smee! Raise the Ladies! ↗

— Dave Barry

#nonsense #humor

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor