#humor

I often talk about unconditional love towards others. But the truth is I have always looked for favorable conditions when it comes to self-love and happiness. Now that is what you call a true confession! ↗

— Saurabh Sharma

#human-behavior #humor #inspiration #motivation #self-help

It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#inspirational-life #inspirational

Take bread away from me, if you wish, take air away, but do not take from me your laughter. Do not take away the rose, the lance flower that you pluck, the water that suddenly bursts forth in joy, the sudden wave of silver born in you. My struggle is harsh and I come back with eyes tired at times from having seen the unchanging earth, but when your laughter enters it rises to the sky seeking me and it opens for me all the doors of life. My love, in the darkest hour your laughter opens, and if suddenly you see my blood staining the stones of the street, laugh, because your laughter will be for my hands like a fresh sword. Next to the sea in the autumn, your laughter must raise its foamy cascade, and in the spring, love, I want your laughter like the flower I was waiting for, the blue flower, the rose of my echoing country. Laugh at the night, at the day, at the moon, laugh at the twisted streets of the island, laugh at this clumsy fool who loves you, but when I open my eyes and close them, when my steps go, when my steps return, deny me bread, air, light, spring, but never your laughter. ↗

— Pablo Neruda

#laugh-lines #humor

Actually it's this easy to explain: When your time's up...poof...your time is up! ↗

— Timothy Pina

#humor-inspirational #inspirational #inspirational

..I find it incredible impossible not to cry when I hear Stevie Nicks's "Landslide," especially the lyric: "I've been afraid of changing, because I've built my life around you." I think a good test to see if a human is actually a robot/android/cylon is to have them listen to this song lyric and study their reaction. If they don't cry, you should stab them through the heart. You will find a fusebox. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#fleetwood-mac #humor #landslide #mindy-kaling #music

I always use the same pick-up line: I dial the phone number and when she picks up I say, “So aside from me, are there any other guys you’re talking to right now?” I get some good use out of it before she changes to an unlisted number. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #pickup-lines #stalking #change

Change back to your ugly self before I change your face for you,” Logan said, Silver Frost. ↗

— Kailin Gow

#fairies #frost-series #pixie-humor #werewolf #change

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake." Florence Ditlow, in "The Bakery Girls. ↗

— Florence Ditlow

#food #humor #womwens-history #wwll #food

I had a dream about you. You were crying, and I couldn’t tell if it was because you were sad or because you’d been laughing too hard. So I decided to find out by telling you that I’d just heard from the cops, and your mother had been murdered. Before I got to the punch line you started sobbing in a different manner, so I realized you’d been laughing earlier. By that time the mood had changed, and I decided it best not to deliver the punch line after all. So I sat down next to you and put my arm around you and tried to console you for your perceived loss. 
 ↗

— Dora J. Arod

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

Menyara's Creole accent was as thick as his mother's jar of refrigerated roux, and Nick loved the sound of it. He wasn't quite as pleased with his own. No matter how hard he tried to hide his accent, it always came out in certain words like "praline", "etouffee", "pecan", and any time he lost his temper. You could easily tell how mad he was by how Cajun he sounded. And if he started spewing all Cajun words, duck. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#infamous #love