#humor

Is Lisa going to the prom?' I shelved my worries for the moment. 'I don't know, Mom. We don't talk about the You-Know-What. We made a pact.' You could go together, if you didn't want to mess with dates and things.' I don't want to mess with the prom at all, Mom.' She ignored me, placidly eating popcorn, piece by piece.'Some girls in my high school class did that and had a wonderful time. They weren't lesbians or anything. Not that it would matter if they were.' That's nice, Mom. I'm glad you're so open-minded.' I grabbed my Coke and the popcorn bowl and headed for the stairs, because I could go my whole life without ever hearing my mother talk about lesbians again. Maybe you could take Justin to the prom,' she called after me, laughter in her voice. 'He is such a hottie.' Shoot me now. ↗

— Rosemary Clement-Moore

#mothers #prom #dating

Many in America, as one social historian wrote, 'believed implicitly that New York's social leaders went to bed in full evening dress, brushed their teeth in vintage champagne, married their daughters without exception to shady French counts, and arrayed their poodle dogs in diamond tiaras.'... ↗

— Greg King

#humor #age

Philosophizing: a term defined by logicians to denigrate lyric thinkers. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #logic #philosophy #funny

...I've spent the last fifteen years of my life railing against the game of soccer, an exercise that has been lauded as "the sport of the future" since 1977. Thankfully, that future dystopia has never come. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#future #humor #soccer #sports #humor

„Mademoiselle Colbert, willkommen im Maison Athène“, sagte die blonde Frau mit einer rauchig tiefen Stimme, die sie - ohne Anlauf - zum Star in jeder Telefonsexagentur gemacht hätte. ↗

— Emilia Polo

#humor #lustig #funny

I am prejudiced: I will never buy food for any minority, no matter how poor, if there is an adorable child with a sweet tooth nearby. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #racism #food

All I really, really want to do is find a very, very fine chocolate store that I can walk into and then figure out how in the world one manages to pick out just a few chocolates out of all those very many chocolates! If I am one day able to walk into a fine chocolate store and know for certain which chocolates I want, when that happens, I will believe myself to be accomplished! ↗

— C. JoyBell C.

#chocolates #humor #humour #life #life-and-living

Smartass Disciple: If there were two masters, which one should I listen to? Master of Stupidity: Use the ears to the one who looks so stupid, eyes to else. ↗

— Toba Beta

#life #master #truth #which-one #humor

Nothing - really, absolutely nothing - says more about Victorian Britain and its capacity for brilliance than that the century's most daring and iconic building was entrusted to a gardener. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor #humor

Maybe we ought to look at a guy's response to our microwave from now on." Aunt Annie said. Really." Mom said. "The narcissist looks at his reflection in it. The OCD guy thinks you don't keep it clean enough.The antisocial--" Puts his fist through it because it reminds him of his father." Annie said. She'd read all of mom's books, too. And the paranoid one would be jealous of the amount of time you spend cooking." Mom said Were you using that microwave again? Is something going on between the two of you? I caught you looking right at its clock." Annie said. ↗

— Deb Caletti

#inspirational #humor