#humor

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#comedy #humor #humour #life #philosophy

I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#life

More recently, during a debate in the House of Lords in 1978 one of the members said: "If there is a more hideous language on the face of the earth than the American form of English, I should like to know what it is." (We should perhaps bear in mind that the House of Lords is a largely powerless, nonelective institution. It is an arresting fact of British political life that a Briton can enjoy a national platform and exalted status because he is the residue of an illicit coupling 300 years before between a monarch and an orange seller.) ↗

— Bill Bryson

#english #humor #politics #life

I think I'm what they call a never-was. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Look out! He's got a daisy! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#making-money #humor

It was the short men that caused all the trouble in the world. ↗

— Ian Fleming

#men #short #trouble #humor

A brick could be used to enhance your sex life. So what are you waiting for? Get that gerbil out of your pants
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you've got a friend for life. Say, do you want to brick swap? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet says...it's payback time! ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #humor

Humpty had always sat on walls, it was his way. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humpty-dumpty #humor