#humor

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor, it covers the natural want of it, and ends by rendering habitual a substitute nearly equivalent to the real virtue. ↗

— Thomas Jefferson

#covers #ends #equivalent #good #habitual

You know, my main reaction to this money thing is that it's humorous, all the attention to it, because it's hardly the most insightful or valuable thing that's happened to me. ↗

— Steve Jobs

#because #happened #hardly #humorous #insightful

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #ideas #plagiarism #funny

The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table was stainless steel sprayed down with disinfectant, the ball brand new, and everybody playing wore gloves and hairnets underneath their space suits. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#comedy-humor #comical #funny #funny-humor #humor

If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full of every drug that they can legally give me! I was so shocked, my only repsonse was, 'Well, he was conceived backstage at a concert, so it's sort of fitting for him to be born at one. ↗

— S.C. Stephens

#funny #humor #kiera #reckless #funny

I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#ambitious #australia #delusion #delusional #desire

I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#funny #humor #sex #funny

I will always share a deep connection with my significant other, but I had to go back to my wife. Somebody got her pregnant, and I’m not about to pay child support. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #love #marriage #funny