#humorous

Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#immortals-after-dark #humor

Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#art

I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!! ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#mankind #people #humorous

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#revenge #vanity #women #humor

I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave. ↗

— Michelle M. Pillow

#cat #feeding #food #houseguest #humor

Right at the flamingo orgy! Left at the multiethnic roof Santas! Straight past the pissing cherubs! ↗

— Ransom Riggs

#humor

Oh hell. They've got Mrs B in a bag! ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor

No one is normal. Everyone is just pretending to be normal. ↗

— Alessandra Torre

#humorous-quotes #reality #humor

Old as carbon," Nix agreed. "And so powerful I'm working on my demigoddess badges. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humor

I refuse to have a life partner who spends his days pretending to be on a BBC show. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor