#humorous

Two kinds of people always lie about their ages: actresses and Latin American pitchers. ↗

— Jess Walter

#age

Romeo, o Romeo, wherefore art thou o Romeo? ↗

— William Shakespeare

#art

That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world. ↗

— Sorachi Hideaki

#humorous #life #manga #sarcasm #strength

I'm hoping you end up happily married to the man of your dreams and have a hoard of beautiful kids that'll keep you on your toes by turning your neighbours into various types of pond-life." He then shot her his signature grin. "But if it happens to be me, then I wouldn't say no." (Karl to Elena in The Witching Pen) ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#elena #humor #humorous #karl #paranormal-romance

How come I have too many things to do all the time...?? ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#funny #humorous #time #business

(About sweeping).... What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humorous #ironic #irony #laughable #change

Even if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, they're still going to be mad if they find out you're dating someone they know and you haven't mentioned it. It's a dating rule." "Well, how am I supposed to know that rule?" "Everyone knows that rule." "I thought you were supposed to be on my side." "I am on your side! ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#dating

Oh my God! You little slut! You want to have a good date with him and want to have ten thousand of his little baseball babies! Cassie!!! ↗

— J. Sterling

#humorous-quotations #dating

My father had bought him a shirt that said “Sure you can date my daughter.  In a completely unrelated topic, have you seen my shotgun? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#dating

I was out of salt so I threw pepper over my left shoulder for luck and the poor guy behind me almost sneezed himself to death. ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#death