#humour

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#fame #history #humour #inspirational #life

He has big hands too, I say, swigging cider. I should know. Big beautiful hands. I daresay big feet as well. You mean that...? Philomena asks. Fanny whispers in her ear, and she giggles. I do find unclothed men interesting, I must admit. Which one do you think has the best arse? I ask before I can stop myself. ↗

— Janet Mullany

#beauty

It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you pay too much, you lose a little money - that's all. When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot - it can't be done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for something better. ↗

— John Ruskin

#economics #humour #business

Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man’s business card in his hand. He looked like a dick. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #business

In Rome there is a pathological shortage of small coins. For change, the little shops tend to use candy. ↗

— Dorothy Dunnett

#places #change

Just recieved my manuscript from the editor and he didn't change a word. The word he didn't change was the. ROY A HIGGINS ↗

— Roy A. Higgins

#change

Me? Oh, intellectually I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say ‘shit!’ in front of a lady. ↗

— D.H. Lawrence

#courage

I love you.' 'Yeah, well...' 'You make my heart want to beat.' 'That's nice and creepy. But I'm with Fletcher.(...) Also, these proclamations of your undying love for me are getting kind of... it's a bit much to be honest. Just hold back a little.' 'But my love for you is eternal.' 'That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death

The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure. The clitoris is simply a bundle of nerves: 8,000 nerve fibers, to be precise. That’s a higher concentration of nerve fibers than is found anywhere else in the male or female body, including the fingertips, lips, and tongue, and it is twice, twice, twice the number in the penis. Who needs a hand gun when you’ve got a semi-automatic? ↗

— Eve Ensler

#masturbation #design

It’s not really wine,” he said. “It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #diet