#ny

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. ↗

— Emo Philips

#bars #get #go #gum #hoping

Regis can do anything these young punks can do. I fit right in there with my Fox people. They want Regis to dance, Regis will dance. They want Regis to lift weights with them, Regis will lift weights with them. Whatever they want! ↗

— Regis Philbin

#dance #fit #fox #i #lift

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. ↗

— Emo Philips

#door #friend #i #imaginary #kid

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. ↗

— Emo Philips

#alone #i #night #other #sleeping

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. ↗

— Emo Philips

#because #devil #life #loved #murder

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them. ↗

— Emo Philips

#bar #get #gum #i #lucky

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some. ↗

— Emo Philips

#gave #guns #our #school #searched

Here’s a little jingle I wrote about mulch: Mulch--sprinkle, sprinkle, dance, dance, use it with a friend, and use it on your plants. (Not a paid advertisement by the mulching industry) ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dance #funny #jingle #random #silly

I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

A film goes through so many hands, that by the time it's done, it might not resemble what you thought you were making. ↗

— Ryan Phillippe

#done #film #goes #hands #making