#random

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!  ↗

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

It's for upset stomachs," Dylan siad, trying to hide a smile. "It's to reduce gas in your digestive system, not to create gas to make explosions." Gazzy's face fell as Iggy said,"Really? Gazzy, take it! Take the whole thing!" "I second that emotion!" said Total. ↗

— James Patterson

#funny

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#funny-and-random #mothers #names #sobriquet #sons

A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I’d rather test the machine out by seeing if it can lift my heavy, elephantine penis off the floor. But before I turn the machine on, I’m going to ask you to stand at least ten feet back, because I wouldn’t want to accidentally impregnate you.   ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

I invited some friends over for a barbeque and made grilled cheese sandwiches. When they complained that the sandwiches were charred and inedible, I said “That’s pure carbon right there. That’s what we are,” and with that simple statement I recruited seven more members to the Human Rights Are Toast Organization. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #random #funny

Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can’t kiss people in the morning? ↗

— Holly Hood

#love #love-hurts #funny

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #retort #satire

Agatha was a woman. All women are mortal. Therefore, Agatha must be dead.” -Orafoura ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mortal #random #syllogism #funny

Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. ↗