#sleeping

I had a dream about you. At first you were a mannequin, and I was a fashion designer. Then, inexplicably, we switched roles and I became the mannequin. But instead of putting clothes on me, you laughed at my nakedness, and you sold me to the owner of a sex shop. 
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with a spoon. Luckily, moments before your attack, I assumed the identity of a bowl of Jell-O. Later on in the dream, as a half-eaten bowl of Jell-O, I launched a successful political campaign, got elected, and moved to Washington DC.
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— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. You don’t need to thank me for taking you into consideration. But I do expect you to return the favor. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our words. You were eating words like “Winner,” “Victory,” and Triumphant,” while I was eating words like “Macaroni,” “Pizza,” and “Meatloaf.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I left for the country club, you the mountain top, knowing that at our reunion one would fall. When golf clubs fence with skis, both summer and winter are painted red. In the contact sports of the wealthy, the seasons are no longer impersonal forces. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. It was wet, but not lucid. So I couldn’t control my spraying hose. I think it means we shouldn’t join the fire department together. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I sat at your table of brotherhood and asked why you invited so many strangers. You laughed and passed me the bread bowl. But the guest in-between us took the last roll before it reached me. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We made love like mannequins, and afterwards we laid in bed, exhausted and extinguished, which was indistinguishable from our insatiable sexual congress—and also identical to the way Congress goes about fucking us.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

How come you’re in such a good mood? You couldn't have gotten much more sleep than I did last night. Are you a morning person?” I ask in mock horror.“A mornin’ person, well maybe, but let’s just say I got to experience the nicest parts of hell last night,” he says quietly,taking the shirt I offer him. As he rises out of thebed, I can’t help looking over his perfect abdomen and chest before he shrugs into his shirt.“I’m sorry, the nicest parts of hell? What does that mean?” I ask.“Red, yer not a guy, so there’s no point explainin’, ↗

— Amy A. Bartol

#guys #secret-dude-meaning #sleeping-together #experience