Erma Bombeck

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#keep #sure #try #trying #up

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#buy #come #go #how #next

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#bathroom #car #groceries #kids #out

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#breathing #could #hear #heavy #i

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#bodies #hit #keeping #occupy #off

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#book #club #computer #getting #hospital

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#automobile #come #designers #going #just

Never accept a drink from a urologist. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#drink #never #urologist

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#eat #figure #how #i #never

God created man, but I could do better. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#could #created #god #i #man