#funny

Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said. The horse whinnied angrily. "I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#silly-chinese-canadian-baby-man #death

I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead #death #funny #hate #late

I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#body #cop-car #death #funny #murder

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#ron-weasley #death

Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #ron-weasley #death

Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #love #war #death

I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#breathe #death #funny #mirror #vain

-My son was 32 when he died.
 -Degrees? So he froze to death, huh? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny-dialogue #death

I moved to assist, but never got the chance. there was some pretty violent banging for a minute, and then a tearing sound. Finally the stall door flew open, and Ray's shirtless body emerged and started bitch-slapping everything in sight. His aim was off, probably due to the difficulty of having his eyes on the other side of the room, but he made up for it with sheer determination. ↗

— Karen Chance

#headless-body #ray #death

Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia. ↗

— Mervyn Peake

#fleet #funny #gormenghast #life #life-lessons