#funny

I am three forks away from eating all your food with two homeless guys. It’s too bad I only have a suitcase full of spoons and a bucket of soy sauce.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#food #funny #homeless #humor #nonsense

Myrnin was silent for a beat, and then he said, "Bob would be very disappointed in you. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville #funny

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. ↗

— David Frost

#funny #humour #miserable #funny

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. ↗

— Judy Blume

#realistic #funny

Next time I will do things to you that will make you lose controll in seconds" -Dimitri. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners." Jace flipped a page. "Very funny, Fray. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #jace-wayland #funny

It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cage #funny #life #love #true

It's not because I want to make out with her." Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit ↗

— John Green

#funny

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#funny

Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#sweet #funny