#funny

This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible. ↗

— Rory McIlroy

#down #funny #golfer #great #great thing

I never say a funny thing intentionally. ↗

— Jayne Meadows

#funny thing #i #intentionally #never #say

I was not funny growing up. ↗

— Tim Meadows

#growing #growing up #i #up

I have a "Waiter, there's a hair in my soup" dance. It involves platform shoes, a mustache, and a hair net. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#odd #silly #strange #funny

If I asked you to do something for me, I don't suppose you'd listen?" When he had my attention, he continued, "I'm going to take you home. Try to forget tonight happened. Try to act normal, especially around Hank. Don't mention my name." By way of an answer, I shot him a black look and swung out of the Tahoe. He followed suit, coming around to my side. "What kind of answer is that?" He asked, but his voice wasn't nearly so gruff. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #nora-and-patch #nora-grey #patch-cipriano

I have the Denver Omelet of accents. And considering I’m from Denver, it makes sense. Now if I also lived in Cheeseland (Wisconsin) it would make perfect, yummy sense. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#denver #funny #silly #wisconsin #funny

Yeah, Vi, unless Armageddon hit while i was fuckin' you this morning and we missed it, I'm thinkin' grocery stores still exist and they're all still stocked. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#end-of-the-world #funny #humor #funny

If my name was Richard, I'd go by Richard or Rich...not Dick. Hell I'd even settle for being called Chard. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #names #funny

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. ↗

— Tommy Cooper

#humor #writer #funny

The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #pain #pleasure #funny