#funny

Shit down your computer, and restart. ↗

— Claire Chilton

#funny-quotes #i-t-quotes #techie-quotes #typo-quotes #funny

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist? ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#kissing #funny

A brick and a blanket walk into a bar, and the bartender turns and says, “What can I get you started with?” Before they could reply, a Finnish guy said, “I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere.
 * A brick in a blanket: very simple—1/6th of a Twizzler dropped in a glass of vodka, with a blanket of Grenadine on top.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to teach students Karate. I don’t mean focusing one’s energy to be able to break a brick with one’s fist, because when I say a brick could teach students karate, I mean the brick could literally be your sensei. I don’t fight, but if I did, I’d want to spar with a guy who trained under a brick. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-but-true #funny-quotes #humerous #humor #funny

It's not just the cheerleading thing I have a problem with, it's the whole jock enchilada. I'm all for a good game of basketball in teh driveway or a killer bike ride. But when there's tackling and grunting involved-- no thanks. ↗

— Linda Ellerbee

#jocks #kid-s-books #funny

Is this some kind of joke?" "That's for me to know and you to find out." "Maybe you think it's funny to put up signs about people who want to commit suicide." "Are you about to?" "And what if I was?" "I wouldn't tell you the gorgeous reasons I have discovered for going on living." "What would you do?" "I'd ask you to name the rock-bottom price you'd charge to go on living for just one more week. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#funny

A blanket could be used to make love. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer making love on a conveyer belt with cheap labor and high mark ups.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to represent a waste of time. Just stare at it for a while and you’ll see what I mean. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A blanket could be used to cover up my shame. And if it’s a big enough blanket, it could also be used to cover up the naked and sweaty body of my clone. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny