#funny

What is a quote? A quote (cognate with quota) is a cut, a section, a slice of someone's orange. You suck the slice, toss the rind, skate away. ↗

— Anne Carson

#humor #funny

My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.   ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #blot-out #cloud #funny #humor

Jared lunged forward, away from me. With a loud smacking sound, his fist hit Kyle's face. Kyle's eyes rolled back in his head, and his mouth fell slack. The room was very quiet for a few seconds. "Um," Doc said in a mild voice, "medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition." "But I feel better," Jared answered (Host) ↗

— Stephanie Meyer

#funny

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#computer-hackers #computers #funny #geek #geek-humor

Wait!" Conrad said. "Did someone... one of my enemies set this fire?" Nix turned back with a grin. "Unless you'd pissed off some wirring-hungry nutrias, then I'm going with no. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #writing #funny

A man's plumbing is like his mind: simple, very few surprises. You ladies, on the other hand...well, God put a lot of thought in making you. ↗

— Khaled Hosseini

#funny #humor #male #funny

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#anal-sex #congress #funny #humor #politics

I'm not crazy, but I suspect the voices in my head are. ~Chrissy ↗

— Kelli Sullivan

#funny

All this talk of lost love has made me hungry. I eat like a horse and stand tall and proud like a jockey. ↗