#funny

I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#argue #arguments #chores #cynicism #desire

And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#crazy #eric #funny #humor #love

Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK! ↗

— Kathryn Lasky

#insult #nonsense #otulissa #funny

Bones just stared. "You're not a woman," he said finally. "You're the Grim Reaper with red hair! ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #funny #funny

Time has a funny way of airbrushing relationships, removing all the things that were wrong so when you look back it looks much better than it really was. ↗

— Alexandra Potter

#funny

Funny to think that every day you have ever lived is a yesterday, and you will never live one single tomorrow. But then again, every day is a today when you’re living it. ↗

— Mik Everett

#inspirational #life #philosophy #today #funny

Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those big, comfy granny panties she’s got on. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#funny

Constant exposure to evil leads to tolerance. That’s how people are able to withstand its good effects so permissively. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #good #humor #toleration #funny

There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #war #wwi #wwii #funny

Decent people have too much respect for others to be overachievers. ↗

— Bauvard

#decency #funny #humor #funny