#funny

I launched into my speech, it took me a few seconds to realize that the only one listening was max (the dog) but at least he had the good manners to stop chewing the toilet brush and pay attention. ↗

— Sammi Carter

#death

I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny #life #love #witty #death

That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny. ↗

— Jennifer Aniston

#comedies #funny #hate #hitting #i

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting. ↗

— John Green

#funny #funny

I explained my opinion of the ship’s logic. “That is a strange designation,” said the ship. “While I have certain organic elements incorporated into my substructure and decentralized DNA computing components, I am not—in the strictest sense of the term—a biological organism. I have no digestive system. No need for elimination, other than the occasional waste gas and passenger effluvium. Therefore, I have no anus in either real or figurative terms. Therefore, I hardly believe I could qualify to be called an …” “Shut up,” I said. ↗

— Dan Simmons

#design

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#fun #funny #heaven #hell #humor

Ground beef can hardly be classified as meat. A pureed animal is an aesthetic ideal. ↗

— Bauvard

#art #beef #funny #humor #meat

Three Denises wobbled in front of her, all of them watching her with fond concern. “You’re a sweetie. I appreciate you cheering me on from the sidelines. But I think I need to go to the bathroom now and throw up. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #contemporary-romance

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me, it's OK. But most of my friends, at least they smoke and drink. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#drank #drink #friends #funny #funny thing

It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it. ↗

— Karl Lagerfeld

#because #big #clothes #enough #even