#funny

They say you can't square the circle, but I don't believe that. I'm melting the golden ratio into a molar. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #golden-ratio #humor #squares #teeth

I would strongly suggest that you fall in love, and I would use a lot of eye contact, soft words and light touching to give that advice. ↗

— Bauvard

#humorous #love #funny

Housewife: a position requiring great ambition to fill. Must have the determination to scrub mold, the good taste to distribute a checking account, and the good will to repeat this at a maid service or department store after her husband starts coming home drunk. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #marriage #wife #funny

It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. ↗

— J. D. Salinger

#funny #nobody #practically #say #something

A funny thing happened on the way to the election - I got to the Senate first. ↗

— Pierre Salinger

#first #funny #funny thing #got #happened

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' ↗

— Susan Sarandon

#comedy #funny #i #kind #oh

What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all, so he must be the very conservative one. ↗

— Ashley Scott

#conservative #funny #husband #must #tattoos

I'm known as a kind of dramatic, serious, almost humorless actor and the fact is, I'm a funny guy, and I spend most of my life trying to find a lighter side of things, and on stage was given plenty of opportunity to do that. ↗

— Campbell Scott

#almost #dramatic #fact #find #funny

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#care #else #men #only #tv

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#always #amazing #amount #day #every