#humor

I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date. ↗

What was that about?' she demanded. 'His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he's holding your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to? ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#dating

You're Hell's Angels, then? What chapter are you from?' REVELATIONS, CHAPTER SIX. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#death #hells-angels #humor #death

Kira: L, do you know Gods of death love apples? L: Damn you, Kira... ↗

— Tsugumi Ohba

#manga #note #secret #death

Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact. Let's say you're southbound on the interstate, cruising alone in the middle lane, listening to AM radio. Up alongside comes a tractor trailer of logs or concrete pipe, a tie-down strap breaks, and the load dumps on top of your little sheetmetal ride. Crushed under a world of concrete, you're sandwiched like so much meat salad between layers of steel and glass. In that last, fast flutter of your eyelids, you looking down that long tunnel toward the bright God Light and your dead grandma walking up to hug you--do you want to be hearing another radio commercial for a mega, clearance, closeout, blow-out liquidation car-stereo sale? ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor #music #truth #death

When he finished, he drank from the cup. Everyone else did too, so I followed suit. And nearly choked to death. It was like fire in liquid form. It took every ounce of strength I had to swallow it and not spray it on those around me. "Wh...what is this?" I asked, coughing. Viktoria grinned. "Vodka." I peered at the glass. "No, it isn't. I've had vodka before." "Not Russian vodka." Apparently not. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose #death

I can't give a Professor love! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#death

YOU FEAR TO DIE? "It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've always...it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#fear #habit #humor #life #death

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive. ↗

— Roman Payne

#death #dying #funny #humor #humour

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed. ↗