#humor

Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #silly #snap #thumb #funny

Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. 'I was trying to make up the sofa bed so you could get some rest,' he explained, and pointed to the second sofa across the room. 'Unfortunately, it would appear that that is the sofa bed, and this, apparently, is just a sofa. ↗

— Derek Landy

#furniture #humor #humorous #mistakes #death

Oh, hell, he'd look hot in a chicken suit. ↗

— Cyn Balog

#guys #hot #humor #funny

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#funny #humor #humour #rabbit #funny

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ↗

— Steven Tyler

#clothing #funny #humor #tacky #funny

Put your memories on the shelf. Then, when your hippocampus is floating in a jar, admit you never really knew anybody. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #memory #funny

OY! Stop playing around and lets cook already!" *smack* J-just now, that made a really loud noise.." Do you wanna hear it again?" N-no, you'll just hit me again!" Kyo and Tohru ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#cook #fruits #funny #hit #humor

The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nudity #television #values #violence

Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright." Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #hot-mess #humor #funny