#humorous

Never do anything that you don’t want to have to explain to 9-1-1 personnel. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Daddy, What's the horizontal tango? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

I disliked numbers, and they didn't think much of me either. ↗

— R.J. Anderson

#numbers #humor

The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#truthful #humor

For people who like that kind of thing, this is the kind of thing they like. ↗

— Max Beerbohm

#misattributed-abraham-lincoln #humor

This guy had more lines than loose-leaf. ↗

— Cara Lynn Shultz

#humor

My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in “the talk,” that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else’s. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#parents-and-children #the-sex-talk #humor

Being here? With you? I've met my subconscious, and he's not that sick. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Just because you’re allowed to use magic now you don’t have to whip your wands out for every tiny little thing! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots) ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor