#humorous

Shock and desire have my nerves tingling like I've been struck by horny lightning. ↗

— Nicole Christie

#humorous #humor

He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#people-suck #small-town-life #life

Hey!” Mena exclaimed “Don’t knock Jeopardy. I love that show” “So do I” Max admitted. “I like it when I know the answers.” Logan added. Trent turned to Logan, “Dude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so. ↗

— Amanda Kelly

#sarcastic-humor #love

If you fall in love with a character, then you are actually falling in love with the author that wrote the character. Therefore, you could conclude that if you are said author, you are in love with yourself. ↗

— Heather Dowell

#humorous-quotations #in-love #love

For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient. ↗

— Elizabeth Inchbald

#humorous #lying #art

Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater? Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain. ↗

— Nicholas Sparks

#business

Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#art

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#revenge #vanity #women #humor

In truth, he had always considered the sight of men eating croissants slightly ridiculous, especially at the beginning, when for the first bite they had to maneuver the point of the crescent into their mouths. No matter what a person did, he ended up with an asymmetrical mouthful of pastry, which he then had to relocate with his tongue to a more central location. This made him look less purposive than he might. Also, croissants were more apt than other breakfast foods to spray little flakes all over one’s clean dark suit. Art himself had accordingly never ordered a croissant in any working situation, and he believed that attention to this sort of detail was how it was that he had not lost his job like so many of his colleagues. ↗

— Gish Jen

#humorous #art

Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him. ↗

— Jennifer Daydreamer

#humorous #madness #dreams