#humorous

I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party. ↗

— Justin Halpern

#life

He'd never asked for an exciting life. What he really liked, what he sought on every occasion, was boredom. The trouble was that boredom tended to explode in your face. Just when he thought he'd found it he'd be suddenly involved in what he supposed other people - thoughtless, feckless people - would call an adventure. And he'd be forced to visit many strange lands and meet exotic and colourful people, although not for very long because usually he'd be running. He'd seen the creation of the universe, although not from a good seat, and had visited Hell and the afterlife. He'd been captured, imprisoned, rescued, lost and marooned. Sometimes it had all happened on the same day. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humorous #humor

Imogen was a bright girl naturally, but she had read so many novels that her brain was completely turned. ↗

— Susan Coolidge

#reading #family

I need some kind of... like... last minute, poorly-set-up deus ex machina!! ↗

— Bryan Lee O'Malley

#humor

She looked like a head-on collision between a fashion plate and a nightmare. ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#humor

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it. ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#funny #humorous #independence #funny

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#may-december-relationships #humor

I got hard and he was there and the next thing I knew he was on his knees. I mean, I was going to step away, but he licked me. ↗

— Anne Tenino

#humor

One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#scissors #humor

I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big." His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things." "What?" The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #humorous #humour #funny