#jokes

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents! ↗

— Dick Bruna

#child #i #jokes #make #parent

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. ↗

— Carol Burnett

#i love #joke #jokes #just #listen

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure. ↗

— Nick Clooney

#completely #dishes #endure #friends #historical

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around. ↗

— David Cross

#around #competitive #everyone #friendly #hanging

You can't just yell jokes at people. ↗

— David Cross

#just #people #yell #you

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. ↗

— George Eliot

#difference #great #great strain #jokes #strain

He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury. John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?" He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top! ↗

— David Wong

#funny #john #funny

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #jokes #funny

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. ↗

— Noel Fielding

#jokes #humor

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination