#mo

I'm perfectly miserable; but if you consider me presentable, I die happy. ↗

— Louisa May Alcott

#humor

If my story means anything, it is that people are very often too quick to judge a person by the way they look or by their quirks of behavior. I may not have quite the same sense of humour as other people, but at least I do have a sense of humour, and I've needed it! As a society, we seem to have very tight restrictions on what is considered "normal. ↗

— Susan Boyle

#normal #humor

[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#food

It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #men #sex #women

Why it's simply impassible! Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#alice-in-wonderland #door #funny #humor #wordplay

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#humour #neighborhoods #funny

Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. ↗

— William Goldman

#funny #humor #movie #princess #funny

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got? ↗

— Bill Maher

#exes #facebook #funny #humor #internet

I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #job #manager #sick

Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. “What?’” “First base,’” she said. “You’re already there.’” “I’m not running the bases.’” “Well, you could at least steal second.’” “Jeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganvillevampires #sweet #funny